Itching Bones

There’s an impatient itch in me.  I want to get everything done at once, and complete my degree, get my Design Schooling started and finished all at the same time.

I want to re-arrange the furniture, the room configuration, the world.

I haven’t sat down to write anything more than regurgitated notes and to do lists at 12:30am.

Lord but I am tired.  Do you ever do that? Am I the only crazy one, intent on running headlong into a wall of tasks, and watching empty checklist boxes circling my head at all hours of the day?

Taxes, homework, grades, work hours, bills, debt, keeping in touch with family, pretending to care about friends (but fretting about the time that must be sacrificed to see them. then retiring guiltily to the back of the brain in shame at the idea that friends fell below a checklist)

I am a star loving, grade slaving woman.  I was like this since preschool, since kindergarten and when I first got that A stamped proudly on a test.  I crave them, in everything I do.

My Dad raised me to never say “Good Enough” but always: “I Did My Best”

He taught me to “Work Smarter Not Harder” he said “Everything Has an Intended Use and Place”.

And now I am a real, living, breathing example of these lessons.  And sometimes?  I drive myself crazy.

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