Last night I lit candles, and played Christmas music. (Songza is the bomb for Christmas music BTW) I washed dishes, and had a beer and laughed with my boyfriend as we put up decorations. It is still surreal to me, that my mom passed away on Friday.
I didn’t know her all that well. She was present in my life for the first few years and then disappeared. She came back in my life just last year. We messaged back and forth on Facebook, many of her family members found me through her, and it was strange to watch my family multiply. And now she’s gone. Just last week I told her we should catch up soon. Just a couple months ago, I thought about when I will be ready to meet her in person. Maybe we’d go get a coffee in her town so close to mine. Maybe we’d meet up for brunch, maybe she loved breakfast food as much as me.
I think what will bring this home and make it real to me, is when my brain and heart fully accepts that none of that can happen now. I think my heart will be drop kicked into mourning when I meet my sister and brother and cry with them.When I think about what will happen to them now, and where they will go and who will care for them. But. Until then, I am on autopilot.
I am cat and house sitting, and so far it has been…. an adventure. There are six litter boxes. They are fed 11 cans of cat food between the 14 of them twice a day. The floor needs sweeping and swiffering daily. They are adorable though! And the energy level is much lower than dogs in here. My favorite is curling up on the couch and they all just settle around and we spend some quiet time. It’s a good distraction.But I am looking forward to my own bed!
Well. With this little grenade of a post, I hope your December is off to a lovely start!