February was a long month. It was a month of being very very sick and then I got better, and then I got worse. You don’t need the details, but I’m waiting to hear back about test results and I am not doing much better in the mean time.
I am stuck wrestling the frustration of a long winter, with the rest of us Canadians. There is something disheartening about muddy snow covered streets, exponentially higher car accidents and the constant bundling up against wind chills.
The good news is. I have finally secured a full time job. Yes folks, I have joined the ranks of the “real adults” working 8am to 430pm. I even moved into my own desk on Friday. On Monday I plan on prettifying it a little bit with my own calendar and maybe a photo. I called my Grandma today and she suggested flowers. Apartment Therapy suggested that too, there is nothing fresher or more satisfying to the eye than flowers! Especially with no windows back there.
This weekend was some tough talk with family members. I called my Grandpa on my biological mother’s side. We talked about the controversy over her death, and where the paperwork was sitting for him to have custody of my brother and sister. He said he’d keep me in the loop, which I appreciate. I worry about them! It’s strange to slip into the role of granddaughter with him and his wife. Hell, it’s strange being in the role of family member with that side of the family, period! But I’d rather be in touch with them than not.
I also called my Omi and Opi. They didn’t pick up. And they’ve disabled their voicemail. So I wrote them the most straightforward letter I have ever written. I let them know that my Opi’s sister called me to ask if they were ok, but I didn’t know because they haven’t talked to me. I let them know this past half a year I had two family members pass away, that I got a new job, and that I was frustrated with reaching out to them and have them not respond. I let them know that I’ve learned life is short, and that I get angry with them sometimes when I think about all the letters and phone calls they haven’t replied to. I didn’t ask for an apology, I just asked that they be a part of my life, because they are after all, a part of my family. I don’t know what else to do as far as they are concerned. I haven’t decided if this is my final attempt with them, or if maybe when I am out West I’ll just show up at their door and invite them for coffee.
While this wasn’t the most uplifting of posts, it was some things on my emotional and mental to do lists’ that I’ve been putting off checking off. Now that they are done I’m going to enjoy a book, maybe do a bit of tidying up, and then eat dinner with the amazing people I live with. Because they make me so happy! (And there is Sesame Chicken on the menu for dinner tonight and folks, it is to die for.)
Enjoy the last bit of your weekend lovelies! And chin up, spring is in the air! ❤